Acid and Catastrophe

It becomes complicated.
Complex. Difficult. Just irreversible. Like there’s no going back.
Heated.
You feel devastated.
Catastrophe, to be accurate.
There’s so much stuffed inside you. You don’t know what to do with it. Can’t take it all out because everything will be ruined, even you.
Can’t keep it all inside, because it will kill you.
It has never happened before.
So you don’t know what it is, you don’t know why it is, you don’t know what to do with it.
Only two things can happen, from this point.
Either you take it all out and ruin everything.
Or you keep it inside and let it kill you.
Here’s what I did-
Kept it inside and tried to act like I’m dead, because maybe then it will have a lesser effect.
I thought I was a genius.
But what’s meant to happen, is meant to happen.
Even catastrophe.
All you can do is either take precautions before it has occured, or accept it and deal with it after it has ruined everything.
I was never good with precautions.
One day it all came out.
It came out like, like acid from my mouth.
It was killing me.
But i couldn’t control it.
It was ruining everything around me.
But I couldn’t control it.
Ofcourse, I felt like I was a criminal.
Like I was committing a crime by letting this acid come out of me onto others.
Like I was committing a crime by being myself, because it was hurting others.
Being yourself should never kill you.
But, this, was acid.
Ruining everything and everyone.

After it all happened…
There was complete silence…
There were songs in my head but no meaning to them.
There were things to do in the day but no feelings in them.

And then after the catastrophe, followed by silence, I found the astonishing feeling of calmness.
I had never imagined it even in my wildest dreams.
They say-
Calm before chaos.
But for the first time ever, I felt the-
Calm after chaos.
A peaceful breath.
A silent mind.
A feeling so calm, that it’s almost serene.
Like finding a new way to live life.
Like finding a new way to see with the same set of eyes.
Maybe,
After all, catastrophe is a teacher.
Catastrophe is a pathetic teacher.
But it teaches the most important lessons in life.
And sometimes,
it’s the only thing that makes us
change our lives,
create our lives,
improve our lives and
live our lives.